tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21055484702415020982024-03-12T19:13:53.776-07:00thinkingoutloudguti.florhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01521060753504300095noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2105548470241502098.post-83241509089792154162019-09-10T06:41:00.000-07:002019-09-10T06:41:06.684-07:00Emma's Terrible Two'sYup, I am now dealing with a wonderful two-year old for monster. Two weeks ago I was hosted her second birthday party. The theme was Candyland; pretty awesome. I will post pictures by the end of the week (promise). I planned the whole party in a week; the balloons, tablecloths, centerpieces, party favors,guti.florhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01521060753504300095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2105548470241502098.post-19790567980096883552018-04-08T17:46:00.000-07:002019-09-10T06:42:48.478-07:00<div>
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Did I tell you about the time I first enrolled for classes at A&M? I was admitted to the university of my dreams and that is all I could think about. After I had received my paperwork; I was scheduled to attend my new student orientation. I was beyond thrilled. My little sisters teacher, at that time, a former Aggie was aware of my situation and was so kind to offer to take my mother and I. </div>
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After a brief campus tour, a visit to the student financial aid office we headed to the Student Computing Center, SCC. </div>
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There we were ready to enroll for my classes. Um...what exactly do we now? Do I enroll in the generic 12 credit hours or do you get ballsy and enroll in 15 credit hours. Better yet, do you know what it means to enroll in credit hours? </div>
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I did not. </div>
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I sat in front of my computer with my sisters teacher, at the time, nodding complacently agreeing to whatever she said. It's not like I knew any better. </div>
guti.florhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01521060753504300095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2105548470241502098.post-48683875955551804762018-04-08T17:38:00.000-07:002019-09-10T06:42:58.353-07:00Fear is a good motivator for almost all aspects of life. Actually I speak for myself. I just realized that my biggest motivator in life is fear. I fear that I might fail as a mother constantly. <br />
Dealing with the father of my child is an everyday hassle. This week at some point he reminded me, more like threaten me, with the lack of discipline Emma displays! <br />
"Mark my words; someday she will grow up and when she does she will be a rebellious one." "Just remember you will be responsible." Even though he had no right to tell me that, because he does not help in raising her what is so ever, he made me think about the possibility that she may become too rebellious.<br />
I am aware that every person goes through their "rebellious" stage but I will admit I am afraid of reaching that point in her life.<br />
Being a parent is a very difficult job. Children do not have an instruction manual where parents could look through the "DISCIPLINE" section to know if spanking your child is most suitable or if a simple time out will work. <br />
Every-time I attempt to teach Emma right from wrong I tried to make a concious decision to teach her respect, the difference from right or wrong, and that we should never loose sight of the important things in life.<br />
That alone however, does not guarrantee me that I am doing a good job at transmitting the message.<br />
I pray that when she grows up my attempts to properly raise her, will help her make the right decisions.guti.florhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01521060753504300095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2105548470241502098.post-37256040676813705562012-02-13T11:13:00.000-08:002019-09-10T06:41:24.591-07:00Never again.The fights are and will always be never ending. I've wondered many times "why me"? It seems like no matter what I do or what I do I will never escape the pain that comes along with once loving an asshole. A year and a couple of months later I still have to deal jealousy outbursts, physical disputes and unfounded claims. I learned at a young age to be independent, strong, and determined. I am too strong for my own good. No matter how much I am hurting, asking for comfort is inconceivable to me. Many times surrounded by darkness I crumble, and with solitude right beside me I allow myself to cry.<br />
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A feeling of frustration embodies me as I realize that now matter how much I speak I can't force him to listen. I fail to understand why should I pay for his mistakes. Is this the price I am supposed to pay for loving him at some point in my life? Now thanks to him I am incapable of loving again. Turns out one person can scar you that bad. Tough. I strive daily to succeed in school and as a mother. I refuse to settle for anything less than what I want. <br />
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I have enough of a challange with Emma. I have heard of the "terrible two's" but I was no where near ready for them. Emma's new favorite word is "no" and "mine". Ahhh!!!!!<br />
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Every day.<br />
All day.<br />
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This is what our daily conversations consist of:<br />
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-"Emma, let's get you dressed."<br />
--"No."<br />
-"Emma, you need to wear your coat, it's cold outside."<br />
--"No, momma." "My Dora."<br />
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When did dressing a child become so complicated? Better yet what does her Dora blanket have to do with my attempt to dress her? Ah, the wonders of a mother. Despite of the many times I feel like pulling my hair out when dealing with her, she is who I am. I am not defined by the many accomplishments I could achieve in my career, or the amount of money I could someday posses.<br />
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My success will be defined by her happiness and her smile. There will be many more fights with her father. Some days he may say something that will hurt me, upset me, infuriate me, or depress me. The key to it all is to never allow him to see how it affects me. Sooner or later he will understand that there is no point in confronting me and hopefully learn to enjoy what he is missing out on.<br />
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<br />guti.florhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01521060753504300095noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2105548470241502098.post-73739693602361100452011-12-05T20:03:00.000-08:002019-09-09T14:36:55.865-07:00hush little baby..don't you cry.!Everywhere I go on campus (TAMU) with my 22-month-old daughter I am asked, "how do you do it?" How do I raise a child while pursuing a bachelors degree? In reality raising a child alone is not rocket science for me; rather it's an act of love and obtaining a degree is my only means of providing for her.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUyhLWchBqo3sPH1u7b7i_XrRmEXjypqMlPa2RqgcuKFGWCrqeP1sT8QiYIHW4F7Jy-zT-bTSGB8pzMsKpDmpydQCiKYrkBgVPXIJvVcTyySLZWvQbfuWXOaQL-PhwsTCQYAISkb8CtcST/s1600/1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUyhLWchBqo3sPH1u7b7i_XrRmEXjypqMlPa2RqgcuKFGWCrqeP1sT8QiYIHW4F7Jy-zT-bTSGB8pzMsKpDmpydQCiKYrkBgVPXIJvVcTyySLZWvQbfuWXOaQL-PhwsTCQYAISkb8CtcST/s1600/1.jpg" /></a><br />
Sleepless nights are only the beginning of what is the best awful job; motherhood. Nothing compares, at least to me, to the heart-warming smile Emma (my little girl) shoots at me in the mornings. Every tantrum, smelly diaper, ketchup stain on the comforter, and spilled meal is nothing compared to the happiness that her love brings to me. <br />
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I made a conscious decision to leave her father when she was one; with that in mind I took upon me all of the responsibility that raising a child entailed. A college education is crucial if I want to give her a better quality lifestyle. Better according to who? Well, I can't remember who told me this but, we as adults should always strive to do better than our parents. I was raised by two hard-working illegal immigrants who dedicated their entire adult life's to working, paying taxes, and instilling in their girls to get an education; that was the only way to "become someone in life."<br />
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Realizing that you are in a love-less relationship and what is keeping you there is your child is frighting. After years of emotional and physical abuse I decided to leave. It has been by far the hardest thing for me to do but the smartest. Turns out I did not have much of a choice. I had to leave.<br />
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The transition to College Station was a turbulent one. Prior to finding the cheapest apartment possible within walking distance to campus was the least of my troubles. Looking for a trustworthy daycare was the real challenge. Initially I had to resort to depending on a stranger I "meet" through Craigslist baby-sit Emma. Was that the smartest choice? No. It was my only choice.<br />
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Academics is definitely challenging. Who has time to read chapters, take notes, go to supplemental instruction, test review and what-not when you have to cater to a toddler? Somehow I do. There is no special formula I just make a list of things I have to get done and do them. <br />
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Yeah, being a full-time student at a nationally recognized university is not easy but then again what in life is? So if you are still wondering, "how do I do it?" The answer is simple; I take it day by day, think of tomorrow, and look forward to the future.guti.florhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01521060753504300095noreply@blogger.com1